Friday, February 13, 2015
The Hobbit Trilogy
The first one was a train wreck in my opinion. I don't care that there was a fuck-ton of singing in the book. The singing in the movie should have been cut to maybe two snippets (really short snippets) - like after dinner in Bag End and maybe when they're out camping on their travels. That's it. Two tiny snippets that show their love of music and no more. The singing that they put in the first movie was ridiculous and made the entire film difficult to watch. I really can't view it without fast-forwarding thru all that nonsense. And let's not get me started on the Goblins and that painful half hour of film-making. (It's not a half hour? Really? It felt like an eternity!) It isn't as though they didn't take some license to veer from the written word of Tolkien (one word - Tauriel), so they really could have forgone the painful singing moments. Really. Really, really.
In parts one and two, I'd like to say how much Thorin is an asshat (King Asshat - if you will) and how little the dwarves deserve all the many, many, many, many, many times their asses are saved miraculously by Gandalf and/or Bilbo. Seriously. How many deus ex machina plot devices are we to be subjected to? (Most people only get one, that's it, one miracle-hand-of-god type saving of the plot.) Yes, yes. J.R.R. Tolkien is a genius, yada, yada, yada. Even genius falls down once in a while (or too many times to count) is all I'm saying. And by any fair and just measure, the dwarves would have failed and died en route to the Lonely Mountain. And Smaug would have continued his long-ass dragon nap and Laketown would have continued under the idiotic reign of the Master. And... well you get the idea.
I still liked part two well enough. And part three was even better. The best of the three, in my humble opinion. Thorin eventually redeems himself from the asshattery he wore through the majority of the trilogy. Smaug does what dragons do. Bilbo is the true hero of the day - as is fitting since the title isn't The Dwarves. Costumes and setting and music (not singing) are all excellent as one would expect. Martin Freeman is so good as Bilbo and we already knew how genius Ian McKellan is as Gandalf.
Lee Pace as Thranduil - he's so cold and sexy at the same time. Bad dad, dubious ruler, but yummy yummy elf. Not at all like the wackadoodle he plays in Guardians of the Galaxy.
Aidin Turner as Kili - a dwarf in love with an elf and so hotsy-totsy himself, he gets the elf to love him back. Kili is a heart-throb despite his diminutive size. And Aiden Turner? Well, sign me up! Where I can get more of that? Don't think for one moment that I'm not above binge-watching anything I can find him in on Netflicks. I'm not. I will.
Smaug and Benedict Cumberbatch. I think that says it all. Words aren't needed here are they?
Evangeline Lilly as Tauriel - Okay - I'm not a purist. I like her addition as a character. I like that she falls for Kili (who wouldn't) and that she's a fighter and tough and loyal and willing to be banished for doing what she knows is right. She's a great character.
Stephen Fry as the Master - so yucky in all the best ways. :)
Orlando Bloom as Legolas - he's still got it but it's hard to notice next to Thranduil and Kili.
Hugo Weaving as Elrond... or anything... yes, please. I have a mad, mad crush on Hugo Weaving.
Manu Bennett (Azog, the lead Orc) - how, HOW? How do they make someone this handsome look that ugly? Congrats to Makeup and costuming.
Luke Evans (Bard) - I believe him. I believe he could save the day and lead that group. Good actor, good guy, good character.
Billy Connelly (Dain) - No way to hide that very singular, very awesome voice.
So, in conclusion, I have to fast forward thru the stupid parts of part one or skip it altogether. Two is mostly good, if you ignore all the times that an eleventh hour miracle saves the dwarves. Smaug is just cool as dragons go. And part three is the best of them and makes up for all the foolishness of the first. Way to end a series. I wish they had just made two films, cut out all the useless crap, tightened up the plot line and not tried to stretch it out so much. But there you are.